Shards of Opal
by Lamia of the Dark
Summary: Netflix series based. Hector/Carmilla drabble collection. Mostly crack humor and fluff.
1. The Dictionary Is Mean

~ Shards of Opal ~

Camilla found Hector crying in the library, with a heavy book sitting open in his lap.

"What's wrong?" she asked, thinking that perhaps he'd been reading a tragic story and become overwhelmed with emotion himself.

"The dictionary is being mean to me," he replied, sniffling and wiping his eyes.

She just stared at him for a few long moments as she tried to process that statement. In the end, she gave up and asked, "What?"

He silently handed her the book and pointed out a specific line.

 **hector.** _noun:_ a blustering, domineering person; a bully. _verb:_ to torment; to bully.

~oOo~

A/N: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ That feel when you suddenly remember your favorite character's name is _also a real word_.


	2. Junior

~ Shards of Opal ~

Of course, the first thing the couple was asked when they reappeared in public after their child's birth was: "What's the baby's name?"

"We haven't decided yet."

And, of course, that answer prompted the other generals to put forth suggestions.

"Chastity?" Isaac suggested, smirking.

Carmilla merely glared at him in return.

"Hector Junior," said Godbrand.

"But... she's a girl..." Hector protested weakly.

"So, it would be Carmilla Junior, then."

"We are not calling her Carmilla Junior!"

But it was too late. The idea had already been planted in the generals' minds, and afterward no one even remembered what the child's real name was, because they all took to calling her Carmilla Junior.

~oOo~


	3. Junior 2: Carmilla's Revenge

~ Shards of Opal ~

Carmilla never forgave Godbrand for the stunt he pulled with her daughter's name. (Even after Isaac ever so helpfully pointed out that "At least it wasn't like what happened with people calling Dracula's son 'Alucard'. Your child escaped being known as Allimrac.")

A perfect opportunity for revenge presented itself mere weeks later... when a red-haired, fanged toddler was dropped off on the doorstep of Dracula's castle.

It was commonly agreed that this _must_ be Godbrand's child. He was the only vampire with hair like that.

The child was not old enough to speak yet, and with no way of knowing what name the mother had given the baby, the generals immediately took to calling him 'Godbrand Junior'.

"Well, knowing the way Godbrand gets around, he probably has an entire horde of children scattered around the world," Carmilla said. "I wouldn't be surprised if this one was more like Godbrand the Five-Thousandth."

And so it came to pass that Godbrand's son was known forevermore as Godbrand 5000.

~oOo~


	4. Carmilla Learns How to Share :)

**A/N: This one takes place early in the relationship, the first time Carmilla sleeps in Hector's room.**

~ Shards of Opal ~

"Hector?"

"What?"

"The _dog_ is on the bed."

Hector, who saw no problem with that, just laid there with a slightly perplexed look on his face, obviously having no clue as to why she was telling him this.

"Make it go sleep in its own bed," Carmilla demanded.

"Why? There's plenty of room."

"How can you sleep with a reanimated corpse in your bed?"

"I mean... technically _you're_ a reanimated corpse too. If it bothers you so much, you can go sleep somewhere else," Hector said, turning away from her and hugging Cezar to him.

She didn't know whether she was more offended that he would kick her out of bed in favor of his pet, or that he'd called her (technically) a reanimated corpse.

Ending the relationship over her boyfriend letting an animal sleep in his bed (even one that was a reanimated corpse, missing half its face and the flesh from one limb) seemed a bit ridiculous... and really, if that was the worst habit he had, it would be a shame to throw the entire relationship away over it.

Even so...

"I was _not_ a corpse at any point," she whined, snuggling against Hector's back. "That isn't how the vampire turning process works."

~oOo~


	5. Junior 3: No Zombunnies Allowed

~ Shards of Opal ~

It seemed that Junior shared her father's love of animals. As a toddler, her favorite toy was a stuffed rabbit which had been a gift from Dracula. She carried it everywhere with her, and cried whenever it was out of her sight, or not immediately within her reach. The fifth word she learned to speak (after _mama_ , _papa_ , _hi_ , and _no_ ) was _bunya_ \- which, presumably, should have been _bunny_ , but was not precisely how the toddler pronounced it.

When it was taken away to be washed, the child was inconsolable. Even though she was told she would have it back the next evening after it had a nice bath and was dried in the sun, all the child could understand was that her favorite toy was gone and all the grown-ups knew where it was but refused to give it back.

"BUNYA!" wailed Junior, tears pouring down her tiny face.

Anyone who attempted to comfort her got their hand bitten... except for Carmilla, who conveniently blamed the entire bunny-washing incident on Hector. ("It's not like she's going to get germs from it, even if it's dirty!") But she was still on thin ice with her child for not _stopping_ the bunny from being taken away.

After several hours, the child's cries had died down to a consistent low whine interspersed with plaintive murmurs of "Bunya."

The toy was still not finished drying, but Hector had come up with a solution he hoped would calm his daughter for the remaining hours until her beloved bunny could be returned to her. It took him a while to find the necessary raw materials to prepare his creation. Once it was finished, he rushed to present it to his distraught child.

"Look, Junior! It's a bunny!"

"Bunya?" the child asked, perking up immediately.

But the twitching creature in her father's arms was obviously not her beloved toy. It was a real rabbit - or, at least as much a "real" rabbit as Cezar was a real dog. Not that the child had much of an understanding about the nature of her father's powers... but she could sense that something was not right about the life force that animated the creature, even if she did not have the knowledge to articulate what was wrong with it.

After staring at the zombie rabbit for a few seconds, Junior reached out... and, BAM! She whacked it on the head so hard that its skull collapsed.

"No," the child said firmly.

Hector let out a shocked gasp and turned away, cradling the zombie bunny's limp corpse to his chest.

"How could you do that?" he asked.

"Papa no," Junior said, still in the same scolding tone.

"Nice try," Carmilla said. "But it looks like she doesn't like zombie bunnies."

~oOo~

 **A/N:** If you've never heard a baby learning to talk... yeah, weird things with pronunciation like that do happen.


	6. Reasons Why Dating Hector Can Be a Trial

~ Shards of Opal ~

"What's wrong, Carmilla?"

"I had a fight with Hector."

"About what?"

"The dog sleeping on the bed."

"You objected to the dog sleeping on the bed?"

"Yes... Why? Does that seem unreasonable to you?"

"Hmm. I don't know that I _personally_ would have objected it, but it doesn't seem unreasonable to not want a dog on the bed."

"Right? But he told me to go sleep somewhere else if I didn't like it! So I said to him, 'You care about that dog more than you care about me.' And he _agreed_. He couldn't even understand why I was upset about it!"

* * *

[Bonus]

"...and when he found out that _I_ was the one who clawed up the curtains, he smacked me with a rolled-up newspaper and said 'Bad vampire!'"

~oOo~


	7. Junior 4: Baby's First Hunting Trip

~ Shards of Opal ~

When the child was three years old (but looked more like a 5-year-old physically, according to _human_ standards of growth), Carmilla declared that Junior was old enough to start learning to hunt for her own food.

Hector, of course, was not so sure about that. But when he voiced his concern about it, Junior bared her fangs and hissed at him, and Hector quickly revised his opinion.

* * *

It was still much too early for Junior to begin hunting humans, so Carmilla took her out to the forest where there were plenty of animals to hunt.

She did not see the problem with this plan until after her daughter managed to catch something.

"Puppy!" Junior squealed excitedly, holding up a fox for her mother to see.

The fox whined and struggled to get free, but could not break out of the dhampir child's grip.

"You caught a fox. That's good," Carmilla said, reaching down to pat her daughter on the head.

The child beamed at her proudly.

"Now eat it."

Junior gasped and cuddled the fox protectively.

"NO!" she yelled. "Puppy's not food!"

It was at this point that Carmilla realized her mistake. While she did have something of a ruthless streak, Junior was very much her father's child and shared his love of animals.

Carmilla sighed.

"Okay, fine... just let it go, and let's go back to the castle."

She was not prepared for her child to defy her a second time, but Junior absolutely refused to let her 'new puppy' go.

Tears streamed down the child's little face as Carmilla continued to try to convince her release the fox back into its natural habitat.

Carmilla knew she was defeated when she saw the fox licking tears from her daughter's face while the child hugged the fox closer and said, "But I love him."

* * *

Hector was surprised and relieved (but mostly relieved when he stopped to think about it), when his wife and daughter returned from the midnight hunting trip still hungry and with a fox perched on Carmilla's shoulder.

"You didn't go to a town?" he said, as Carmilla handed their child over to him.

"Papa, Papa! Look, new puppy!" Junior told him excitedly.

"Yes, I see it," he said.

He reached out and let the fox sniff his hand. He was only momentarily surprised when the animal leapt from Carmilla's shoulder to land on his.

"Puppy~" the child cooed happily, patting her new pet.

"Of course we didn't go to a town," Carmilla said, answering Hector's earlier question.

Once their child had started learning to talk, many of their conversations ended up like this with the two of them talking to each other around whatever conversation one or both of them were also having with their daughter.

"But you know she doesn't eat anything other than humans." After a brief pause, he added, "And sometimes cookies. But you can't exactly hunt down cookies in the wild."

"She's not ready to start hunting humans _yet_. She needs to pick up the basic skills first."

Hector stared at her for a few long moments but Carmilla remained stubbornly silent until he prompted teasingly, "And...?"

She made a small, annoyed sound in the back of her throat before finally throwing her hands up and admitting, "And I forgot she wouldn't eat animals!"

~oOo~


	8. Junior 5: Be Gentle With Your Dad

~ Shards of Opal ~

Normally, Hector was one of his daughter's two favorite people in the world, but Junior did have her mother's temper and so inevitably there came a time when Hector was on the receiving end of the child's rage.

Being kicked in the shin by a three-year-old normally wouldn't be that big of a problem, but when the child is a dhampir and the person being kicked is a human... the situation is a bit more serious than that.

"Did I hear bone cracking?" Godband said.

No one paid any attention to the viking as Carmilla rushed to scoop up the child, and Dracula knelt next to Hector - who had collapsed to the floor in pain, clutching his abused leg.

"Junior, no!" Carmilla yelled. "You have to be gentle with your father! He's not a vampire. You really hurt him."

On the floor a few feet away, Hector whimpered as Dracula checked his injury.

"It's fractured," Dracula said. "Godbrand, don't just stand there like an idiot. Go and bring me some bandages."

Godbrand complied with the order, grumbling the whole way that he was not a dog and shouldn't have to fetch things.

Meanwhile, the child was utterly nonplussed by what her mother had told her.

"Papa's not a vampire? What _is_ he?" Junior asked, looking back and forth between her mother (who was holding her) and her father (who was still rolling on the floor in pain).

"Human," Carmilla answered, which only served to confuse the child even more.

"Mama married a food?"

~oOo~


	9. Junior 6: Baby Doesn't Like Necromancy

~ Shards of Opal ~

Pointing at her father's precious undead pet, Junior declared, "Pee-zar. Bad, stinky puppy."

Carmilla knelt and scooped up the child before she had a chance to physically interact with the zombie pug.

"Don't be mean to Cezar," Carmilla scolded the child. (Although, in all honesty, she was not fond of Hector's pet either.)

"Bad and stinky," the child insisted. She still did not have the vocabulary to express 'I can sense something unnatural animating this creature and I find that disturbing' - which more accurately described her feelings on the matter.

"Don't be mean to Cezar," Carmilla repeated the instruction, hoping that her daughter might actually listen to her this time. "You're going to make your father cry."

~oOo~


	10. Junior 7: Another Ill-fated Hunting Trip

~ Shards of Opal ~

Junior's second hunting trip took place after the child had learned her father was a human, and it went about as well as the first hunting trip had... which is to say: not very well at all, as the child did not seem interested in accomplishing her primary task during the outing.

Carmilla tried to get her daughter to hunt for animals, even going so far as to promise she could keep them as pets if she would just stop playing with grass and leaves and go catch something already. Junior cheerfully ignored her mother's instructions, no matter how irritated Carmilla became, and continued to gather up handfuls of grass, leaves, bugs, sticks, and even a dead bird that she happened to come across.

Eventually Carmilla gave up on trying to get her child to do anything other than exactly what the child wanted, which was apparently to play with vegetation and a half-rotted bird carcass.

Ruby (Junior's pet fox), who had come with them, went and caught several baby bunnies, which he brought back to Carmilla.

"At least _you_ know how to follow directions," Carmilla said to the fox, as she scooped up her daughter (along with Junior's armload of forest junk), the bunnies, and Ruby. "Time to head home."

* * *

Hector was not the least bit surprised that the hunting trip hadn't gone as Carmilla had planned. He _was_ surprised, however, when his daughter presented him with the things she'd gathered.

"Here, Papa!" Junior said proudly, handing him the mess of plants, bugs, and bird corpse.

"Oh, you brought me some... grass. And... leaves. And a stick. Some worms... and a dead bird."

Hector was certain his confusion showed on his face. Why, other than the simple reason of her being a child, would his daughter bring him these things? Out of all the things she'd brought him, the dead bird was the most confusing, since Junior was quite vocal about not liking her father's reanimated pets.

"It food's food," the child explained proudly.

Unsure what that meant, Hector looked to his wife for an explanation.

Until this point, Carmilla had been equally confused about why Junior wanted to collect plants and bugs, but after hearing the child's explanation, she thought she understood her daughter's reasoning.

"Well, since you're not a vampire, it seems that she brought those for you... to eat."

~oOo~


	11. Modern AU: Living Together Kinda Sucks

**A/N: I actually wrote this a while ago and thought I was going to do something more with it, but apparently I'm not, so I'm putting it here.**

 **This takes place in a modern AU (which is also an everyone-lives-and-nothing-bad-ever-happened AU), in which Carmilla and Hector's relationship was going fine until _after_ they moved in together. Also Hector and Isaac are friends. (And yes, Isaac is the person who is talking to Carmilla in this chapter.)**

~ Shards of Opal ~

"I see Hector got a new couch. But why are you sitting on the floor?"

"I'm not allowed on the couch."

"You're not...? The _dog_ is allowed on the couch!"

"Yes, Cezar is allowed on the couch. Perhaps if I were an animal, I'd be allowed on the furniture as well."

"Well, he isn't here right now, so you could..."

"Cezar is also a tattletale, so I absolutely could not."

~oOo~


	12. Junior 8: How to Feed Your Dad

**A/N: A direct continuation of where Junior 7 left off.**

~ Shards of Opal ~

"Papa, eat dis," Junior said, holding a stick up to Hector's mouth.

He took the stick from her and set it aside before informing the child, "I don't eat sticks."

Undeterred in her quest to feed her father, the dhampir child held up a leaf.

"Eat dis?" she inquired.

Hector sighed.

"I don't eat leaves either."

At least, not the kind that came from trees anyway... but he wasn't sure his daughter would understand the difference between edible plants and things which humans couldn't digest. He was debating whether or not to try explaining it to her when he saw Junior reaching for a worm.

"I don't eat worms, either!"

And he definitely didn't want her sticking one on his face.

Frowning at her father, the child held out the worm to her pet fox. The fox seemed apprehensive at first, but did eat the worm from Junior's hand, then proceeded to eat the other worms and various bugs from Junior's pile of forest junk.

"Ruby eated dem," Junior told her father in an accusatory tone.

"Yes, he did," Hector replied. "But I'm not a fox."

Junior started to reach for the bird corpse.

"That's been dead for too long, and it's too small to have much meat on it anyway."

The child's face scrunched into a thoughtful expression.

"Hmm... eat a _big_ bird, den?"

"No, I don't-"

But it was too late. The child was not listening to her father's answer, having already jumped up to run over to her mother - who was standing nearby, watching the conversation play out without contributing to it.

"Mama!" Junior said, tugging on Carmilla's skirt to get her attention. "We gotta get a big bird!"

For a moment, Hector thought that his wife might actually explain to their child what it was that he actually ate, but then Carmilla smiled and swept Junior up into her arms, promising the child that they would catch a big bird next time. Apparently she wasn't going to say anything that would discourage her daughter's newfound interest in hunting...

~oOo~


	13. Junior 9: About Birds

~ Shards of Opal ~

"What is that?" Hector asked, staring at the limp bundle of feathers that Carmilla had just dumped on the table.

"It's a vulture, Hector," she replied flatly. "Our baby caught it for you. For dinner."

"I am not going to eat a vulture."

"At least pretend you did... unless you're ready to explain to her what it is you really eat."

* * *

It was several days after the baby's first successful hunting trip, when Carmilla was suddenly awakened in the middle of the day by the absolute worst screaming fit her child had ever had. The shrieks the little monster was currently making topped even the bunny-washing incident from several years ago.

Carmilla immediately went to investigate the source of her child's distress.

"Why is she crying like that, Hector?"

"I... may have... told her that birds are animals, and... Junior may not be taking that revelation very well..."

~oOo~


	14. Modern AU: Hector vs Rude Dude at a Bar

**A/N:** This one's a Modern AU in which Hector and Carmilla are not dating (yet) but know each other already. Modern humans are aware of vampires (and other supernatural beings) existing, and there are interspecies interaction laws in place similar to the ones in Monster Mususme (but in a more serious context).

~ Shards of Opal ~

"Leave her alone," Hector said, putting himself between Carmilla and the human man who'd been sexually harassing her.

Rationally he knew that as a vampire she was in no real danger, but Hector couldn't just stand there and ignore it when that was going on in front of him. He didn't know why Carmilla hadn't managed to extract herself from the situation already. Was she trying to avoid making a scene in public?

The drunk human tried to argue with him, but Hector said coldly, "She already told you no. Yet still you persist. You know that by both human and vampire law, she has the right to kill you now?"

The man suddenly looked uncertain.

"That's not-" he started to say, but Carmilla interrupted him.

"Well, that's not the way it's _phrased_ in legal terms, but human law and vampire law are both in agreement on this point: a human who initiates or otherwise consents to sexual contact with a vampire assumes all liability for the results of such, including (but not limited to) injury, blood loss, or death."

She leaned against Hector's shoulder and bared her fangs (it was not a smile) at her former admirer, who was now slowly backing away.

"Did you... _want_ to kill him?" Hector asked, once the drunk had stumbled away, sounding as though he regretted butting in if that were the case.

"I was trying to avoid doing that, actually," Carmilla replied. "Although I honestly don't know why I bothered."

~oOo~


	15. Modern AU: Game Night

~ Shards of Opal ~

It was Game Night at Dracula's castle and the generals were playing the Whose Line Is It Anyway home game.

Godbrand, who was acting as the Whose Line host, started off the game with Scenes From a Hat. The first card he pulled out of the hat was the classic: Things you can say to your dog but not your girlfriend.

Isaac and Raman each took their turns, making classic jokes quoted from the TV show.

"Grab the ball."

"Come."

The tone of the game changed when Carmilla stepped forward and said something which wasn't much of a joke and no one found particularly funny, but it _did_ seem to make Hector angry.

"I love you."

Hector went next with, "You're a good girl."

And suddenly no one was having fun anymore, and there were three people in the room who were not enjoying having a front-row seat to these two hashing out their domestic dispute. (Dragoslav and Cho, who were not actively participating in the game, however, did appear to be entertained by the awkward turn it had taken.)

"This is a weird format for a lovers' argument," Raman said in an undertone.

To which Isaac replied, "Just let them air out their issues. It sounds like they really need to."

The pair kept going, still making some effort to seem like they were actually trying to play the game, until Carmilla said, "I forgive you for clawing up the furniture."

Hector's temper finally got the better of him and he turned and snapped at her, "Fuck you, you did that on purpose because you were mad at me! At least my pets _know_ better!"

~oOo~

 **A/N:** Another modern AU one... yes, this makes their relationship sound kind of horrible and like all their fights are settled through passive aggression... but don't take it too seriously, it's just dumb crack I wrote because I thought of a dumb joke based on a silly game show.


	16. Junior 10: Bunnies

~ Shards of Opal ~

The baby bunnies were kept in an enclosure that was out of reach of both Ruby and Cezar, who were likely to eat them if they were left to run around loose. Also being contained kept the rabbits from chewing on everything, which was something that they were even worse about than Cezar was.

The cage, however, did not deter Junior from attempting to interact with the baby rabbits.

"Bunnies," the dhampir child cooed as she opened the hatch and reached inside.

Unfortunately for her, before she could grab any of the terrified little animals, Junior found herself being scooped up into her mother's arms.

Hands full of wriggly child (who was making a futile effort to escape), Carmilla closed the cage telekinetically.

"No," she scolded her daughter. "These are my bunnies. Ruby caught them for me. You're not allowed to play with them."

Junior stopped struggling and scowled up at her mother.

The child didn't say anything, and after a few moments Carmilla assumed that she'd won the argument. However, the moment she glanced away from her daughter, she felt a sharp sting as two little fangs sank into her arm.

"Ouch! No! Bad child! How dare you bite me, you little shit!"

~oOo~


	17. Junior 11: Curses

~ Shards of Opal ~

Godbrand had proved himself to be a somewhat competent parent, and sometimes Carmilla got tired enough of dealing with her own child to rely on the Viking to babysit.

Right now was just such an occasion.

Godbrand watched as Carmilla Junior and his son (who was generally referred to as "Five K" since "Godbrand the 5000th" was a mouthful) were currently chasing each other around the room.

Junior seemed to be winning the game of tag, as she had evaded being tagged for quite a while now, and Five K was starting to grow frustrated at being unable to catch her.

Then it happened... Junior tripped over the edge of a throw rug and fell flat on the floor.

"Shit," the child swore.

Five K, who had never heard a swear word in his life before this, of course repeated, "Shit?"

"Oh, that's just great," Godbrand grumbled. "Now everyone's gonna think they learned that from _me_."

After he'd been so careful to watch his language in front of the children all this time... this was just his luck.

~oOo~


	18. Junior 12: Bunnies and Dad

~ Shards of Opal ~

"Be gentle with the bunnies. They're babies and can get hurt very easily."

Junior lightly, carefully ran her hand over the back of the baby rabbit that her father was holding out for her to pet. Even though she was gentle with the animal, it didn't take long for the bunny to get scared and start to struggle.

"Alright, that's enough, it's time for the little guy to go home now," Hector said, as he put the bunny back in its cage.

"Bunnies," Junior said sadly, staring at them as them hopped around inside he enclosure.

"We have to be nice to the bunnies," Hector explained. "We don't want them to be scared, so they need to stay in there."

Junior continue to gaze at the rabbit cage with a forlorn expression, and Hector scooped her up into a hug.

The child made a small unhappy sound, but (much to her father's relief) did not start crying. Junior wrapped her little arms around Hector's neck and he cuddled the child.

After several minutes passed, the child spoke up unprompted.

"Mama's mean."

"Oh, why do you say that?" Hector asked. True, Carmilla was not very nice to most people, but she was much softer with Hector and positively doted on their child.

While Junior loved her father, she was also old enough to realize that he was something of a pushover when it came to following his wife's orders, so it followed that the child did not want to admit to him that her mother had forbidden her from touching the bunnies.

"Mama's mean, so I bited her."

"Bit, not bited," Hector automatically corrected her, before his brain caught up with what the child was actually telling him.

~oOo~


End file.
